MiBism 024: Still Growing Up
There’s a lot of living I didn’t do as a child. Knee deep into being a kid I went through life as it was handed to me. In my case, maybe in yours too, meals were prepared and placed in front of me and clean clothes were neatly folded and filled my drawers in straight little piles. I was reminded to brush my teeth each morning and night, I was driven everywhere I needed or wanted to be and so with my parents on top of everything all I did was be a kid. There was no insight into how all this unraveled so smoothly. There was no “How am I doing” or, “Am I getting it right?” The only sense of responsibilities I was given as a young child was to make my bed, stay on top of my school work and behave. It was a charmed life, only I didn’t know it then.
My parents took parenting very seriously. We knew that nothing mattered more to them than raising us well and doing right by us whether it was because they told us so or because we just felt it in our bones. Their ideas and energies were united and this is a job that they did very well together.
I imagine there were mighty big and powerful decisions being made in the boardroom of their master bedroom. Mom would replay each day to Dad and Dad would swoop in with his opinions. Together they would decide how to handle such items as a poor report card, a scrap in the schoolyard, foul language, or coming home past curfew.
But at long last we grow up, move out and take charge of our own destiny, carrying the blessings and burdens of childhood experience into our adult relationships. It is where culture meets compromise, moral codes are formed, religious beliefs are practiced or denied. It is where identity is discovered, rediscovered and redefined. Much of our character is formed throughout our childhood and if we are the least bit introspective or puzzled by our behaviours we look closely at who we are as we develop into our future selves.
As the years pass and my birthdays whip by with ever increasing speed I realize that growing older is not so bad when you decide to grow up in the process. Every now and again I take a peek into the luggage I carried with me into my current self, pulling out a particular behaviour or typical reaction and discarding what’s not working for me.
Up until about 10 years ago I was very hard on servers in restaurants. Demanding and unforgiving, I really hated poor or unfriendly service and I made sure it was known. My husband and children would be embarrassed to eat out with me. That’s an old behaviour that I chucked. I’m much more fun to be with now and no one’s crawling under the table anymore.
I used to wake up grumpy so now I make sure I get the sleep I need to wake up joyful.
I used to have many high expectations of others and now I limit what I expect from people leaving little room for disappointment.
I used to try to be what others wanted me to be and now I listen to myself.
I am, item by item, emptying the suitcase of past behaviours that don’t fit anymore. I am clearing away the cobwebs of my past to make room for improvement. Decluttering has caused me to strip away layers of who I thought I was supposed to be only to uncover my true self. I have a long way to go so part of my personal growth plan is to remain positive and believe that I have another 50 years of healthy mind, body and spirit so I may continue on my path of releasing fear and giving myself permission to love the evolution of me.